Each night at dinner my family and I go around the table and tell each other our favorite and least favorite part of the day. The children usually say something like, "my favorite part of today was when Mommy gave me an extra cookie!" or "my least favorite part of the day was around 4pm when I wasn't allowed to watch television." Wren usually says something that has to do with work or his family. And me? I usually mention not having enough hours in the day as my least favorite part and something that has to do with my children as my favorite part of the day.
Wren and the kids don't even expect otherwise anymore. They always know what my answer is when asked about my favorite part of the day. Whether it has to do with watching my girls at ballet or teaching them how to bake peach pie, my answer is always about the kids... and I cannot help myself.
They make me so happy. I often find myself just staring at them; in awe of the incredible children I have been given. I couldn't be more thankful for them and the purpose they have provided me with in life. Because of them I wake up smiling, go to bed smiling, and live my life smiling. Even with all the hecticness that comes around each day, I never find myself living a bad day.
And yet, even with the blessings I already have, I long for more children. Some might think i'm crazy, but it's the truth. My house doesn't seem messy enough. Or loud enough. Or busy enough. And some people would rather a clean, quiet, calm house, but I long for the opposite. Children are what make me the happiest. The more I can love, cherish, and provide for the merrier. And for these reasons, I know Adelaide won't be my last child.
But Wren isn't so sure. No doubt he wants more children, but not right now. He wants to give the five amazing children we already have plently of love and attention before adding anyone else into our group. Especially since we had five kids in five years. He also seems to like the two-year age gap between kids, while I like the one-year gap.
I understand all of his reasons, but i'm not sure if I want to wait any longer. I immediately fall in love with a baby when I see one. I stand from a distance and admire the innocent creature before me, hoping that the mother holding her baby will be me very soon. At night, once everyone goes to bed, I think of baby names I love and write them down. Isla. Ariella. Mason. Lincoln. The list goes on and on and on... and on and on and on. And when i'm holding a baby, I DON'T WANT TO LET GO. It takes an awfully strong person to pull me away from a baby i'm holding. So, as you can see i'd like to add another child as soon as possible.
Don't get me wrong. I am beyond blessed to be a mother to the five children I already have, and if I never have anymore children I won't feel any less blessed or in-love, but I feel like God is calling us to expand our family. And I know it. I feel it. I dream it. I want it. All the signs are present.
So tonight Wren and I are having the talk. Will we have more children? Will we adopt? When? Hopefully all these questions will be discussed tonight after the kids head off to their cousins house. I'm excited to sit down with Wren and just talk about this topic. It's a very popular subject between us, but we never seem to have the time to just talk about our feelings and wishes for hours and hours.
In the end we'll do what we feel is right. I'm not pressuring Wren into having more children and he's not pressuring me into waiting to have more children. We both want what's best for our family and are open to everything. Waiting. Not waiting. Adoption. Having more biological kids. And we're not expecting to reach an answer today, either. This will take time and a lot of thinking. So while I will tell you how our conversation went, please don't expect an update anytime soon.